Roller Coaster: feeling out of control, and that it will last forever

**Title: The Roller Coaster of Post-Operative Recovery: A Personal Journey**

As a physician, I’m no stranger to the complexities of medical procedures and recovery processes. However, experiencing it firsthand has given me a profound appreciation for the resilience required to endure post-operative challenges. After undergoing three spine surgeries within the last 15 days, totaling up to 12 hours of general anesthesia, I find myself navigating a turbulent sea of pain management, severe fatigue, and realistic hallucinations.

The pain, as expected, was nearly impossible to manage due to the extensive nature of the repairs on my congenitally malformed spine and previous spinal injuries. Yet, what caught me off guard was the horror of realistic hallucinations that followed. Each night became a battlefield of nightmarish visions, making the thought of sleep dreadful. Fatigue compounded the fear, and the terror of losing my mind seemed worse than any physical pain.

My medical team proposed various theories and solutions, suspecting that the hallucinations might be linked to the medications, surgeries, or perhaps the disorienting hospital environment. The hallucinations persisted even during the day, with tiles moving on the bathroom floor, which was unnerving.

A pivotal decision was made to stop one of the muscle relaxants, hoping to mitigate the hallucinations. This led to increased muscle spasms and pain. My discomfort was exacerbated by the hospital furniture, especially the bed. I yearned for my reclining chair at home, which allowed for precise micro-adjustments to alleviate discomfort—a necessity since I could only move the top joints of my neck, with the rest being fused.

My nursing team, rallying behind my discomfort, managed to locate an electric recliner chair in the hospital just in time for my birthday. Despite the effort to make it comfortable with additional pillows and pads, the chair was too large and hard, designed for someone twice my size. It was my daughter who observed that many patients with limited mobility had heavily modified wheelchairs tailored to their physical needs. She advocated for a similar solution for me.

This advocacy sparked interest from a new physical therapist on staff, who, with his supervisor, visualized a solution. They arranged for the rental of a suitable chair and taught me how to use it, ensuring it supported my head in any position—whether reclining or sitting up to eat. The first night off the muscle relaxant, coupled with the use of the new chair, brought a remarkable change: the hallucinations disappeared.

Writing this blog in the middle of the second night, I am relieved to report no hallucinations so far. The pain remains severe and resists medication, but the fear of hallucinations has abated. My nurses, doctors, therapists, and even the logistical staff of the unit have gone above and beyond to prioritize patient comfort. Ice is now being used as a temporary approach to manage severe spasms, providing some relief despite its own discomforts.

This journey has underscored the importance of advocacy and the incredible impact of simple adjustments in patient care. The support from my wife, daughter, dedicated nurses, therapists, and health coordinators has been invaluable. By addressing physical pain through practical means like specialized upholstery or machinery, we reduced the need for medication, subsequently diminishing paranoia and hallucinations. These efforts have brought back a sense of normalcy and much-needed rest, offering hope that recovery is on the horizon.

In sharing my story, I aim to highlight the critical role of patient advocacy and the collaborative spirit within healthcare teams. Sometimes, the simplest solutions can make the most significant difference, and every patient’s comfort and well-being should always come first.